


You are My Beat, You are My Music

by KaGeRu



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-18 23:07:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4723679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaGeRu/pseuds/KaGeRu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyungsoo turns to his left to see if his boyfriend is still there, only to realize that the action is quite silly because the part of the bed next to him is always like this every morning:</p><p>EMPTY.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You are My Music

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Charie Park](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Charie+Park).



Light kissed the window which started illuminating the room. The body entangled with the sheets stirs followed by two doe eyes slowly opening. Kyungsoo turns to his left to see if his boyfriend is still there, only to realize that the action is quite silly because the part of the bed next to him is always like this every morning:

EMPTY.

Jongin left early to go to his dance studio, AGAIN. Kyungsoo should be used to it by now but no, call him an idiot but he never stops hoping that one day he will wake up and Jongin’s sleeping form would be next to him, just like before.

 

\---

 

More that four years ago, back at college where they started dating, holding hands, stealing glances and kisses whilst whispering sweet nothings, Kyungsoo knew that there is no secret that Jongin loves to dance and he was actually very good at it so it’s no surprise that there are many big companies that wanted him to be part of their team and being the good boyfriend that he is, Kyungsoo is very proud and supported Jongin all the way.

They decided to live together after they graduate. Jongin choose SMEnt as the company to work for while Kyungsoo chooses YG Company as a song writer. He just sends them his composition that’s why he is always at home and only went to the company when needed for seminars and lectures. The first year was very amazing for the two of them; going out on Fridays, lazing around on weekends, kissing, cuddling, making love and simply enjoying each other’s presence. When they both received their first pay check, Kyungsoo decided to cook them a hearty meal while Jongin bought dessert. Life back then was simple. Life back then is happy. Life back then is

PERFECT.

PERFECT…

Who was he kidding? People tend to change for the better and both of them are no exceptions. Yes, for the better. NOT! It’s obviously a lie. People don’t just change, they change when they realize they are left out, they change when they get bored.

Is Jongin bored of me now?

Shaking the bad thoughts out of his head, Kyungsoo slowly makes his way towards the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. Checking the cupboards for a mug, he spotted something standing out among the eating utensils of black and white. It was two brightly colored mugs with smiling characters in them: The blue mug with a happy looking penguin and a green mug with a grinning crocodile in it. Kyungsoo took both cups from the confinements of the cupboard and placed them on the table.

 

\---

 

“You’ve got to be kidding me…” Kyungsoo says exasperatedly to Jongin while eyeing the cups the latter was holding.

“Aren’t they cute?! Hyung! Let’s buy them!” Jongin beams excitedly.

“No way! Can’t you see that it’s meant for 7 years old kids?!” Kyungsoo replied, trying to push some sense into the mind of his still-so-childish boyfriend.

“Yes way! And can’t you see the “+” sign next to the number 7? It means that it’s meant for ages 7 and up; we could be the up part hyung! Come on! Look! They are Pororo and Krong! PORORO AND KRONG HYUNG! PORO—“

“Aish! Okay! Okay! FINE! But you’re paying for it! I don’t want the cashier to think I have some kind of ‘weird cartoon’ obsession.” Kyungsoo cuts Jongin off so that he would shut the hell up because they are starting to get attention from the other shoppers.

“Sometimes you’re so firm, you know that? But don’t worry; I love you just the same!” Jongin said and kissed Kyungsoo on his temple making the latter blush.

“You’re so cheesy!” he replied while pushing Jongin slightly but the smile in his face gave him away.

“After we pay for them, let’s use it every day as our couple mug!” Jongin suggested and Kyungsoo nodded in agreement.

And just as Jongin say, they use the character mugs every day. They might look like crazy grown-ups as they drink coffee from overly bright mugs but they don’t mind, they are happy. Pororo and Krong are best of friends just like them, best friends who level up into boyfriends but still consider each other as best friends. That is

ENOUGH.

Before that was enough.

Kyungsoo was snapped out of his reminiscing when he realized his vision was starting to be clouded and a fat tear fell on the surface of the table. He immediately wiped his eyes using his sleeve and started putting coffee on the Pororo cup.

How long has it been since the last time he used the said cup? It was so long it felt like a faded dream. When the coffee was done, Kyungsoo sat down on the table and looked at the character on his mug. The smile on its face seems foreign and when he glances to the character of the cup next to it, the grin also felt distant. It was as if the characters are sad, like they have been forgotten…

Am I already forgotten by Jongin too?

 

\---

 

Jongin came home late, as usual. They eat dinner in silence like they don’t even realize the existence of each other and only the faint clatter of utensils and soft chewing sounds can be heard. And just as usual, Kyungsoo tries to engage Jongin into a conversation which runs like:

“How’s your day?”

“Fine.”

“Did you meet new people today?”

“Maybe.”

“Do you want to talk about them?”

“No.”

“Do you—“

“Kyungsoo I’m tired. I’m going to bed now.” Jongin cuts him off and walk towards the bedroom. Jongin was out of sight so he didn’t hear the question Kyungsoo was about to ask.

“Do you still love me?” his words are hanging into thin air.

 

\---

 

After doing the dishes and drying them off, Kyungsoo stride towards their bedroom only to find Jongin sleeping on his side of the bed. Kyungsoo manages to get a quick shower and slowly crawled into the sheets and wraps his arms around Jongin’s waist and buried his face on the back of his shoulders.

“I love you…” he whispers in his ear only to receive a soft snore as a reply. His arm tightens around his boyfriend not because he’s clingy, but because he wanted to make sure that his boyfriend is still there.

 

\---

 

Kyungsoo wakes up extra early today just to catch his boyfriend before he leaves again. Well, it isn’t just any day, it’s their five year anniversary and he is ecstatic about it. Jongin was surprised to see his boyfriend up when he walks out of the bathroom.

“You’re up…” he said matter-of-factly but Kyungsoo didn’t mind it at all for he is in a very good mood. He immediately throws himself to his boyfriend and pecks him on the lips. Screw morning breath!

“Happy five year anniversary, baby!!!” he happily beams.

“Y-yeah… you too…” Jongin replies as he tries to compose himself it’s obvious that he forgot but Kyungsoo didn’t say anything about t.

“Will you come home early?” I was planning to cook your favourite dishes to celebrate!” he asked while looking at Jongin expectantly.

“Yeah, sure…” Jongin replied absent-mindedly and slowly disentangled himself from Kyungsoo because his phone started to ring.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m on my way…” Kyungsoo hears his boyfriend say to the other person on the phone. Jongin took his backpack and puts on his sneakers and was about to leave when he felt soft hands grasp his wrist loosely.

“Promise you’ll be back early…” Kyungsoo said while his eyes full of hope and expectations.

“Okay.” Jongin answered and went out the door in a hurry.

 

\---

 

Kyungsoo spent the whole day cooking. He wants everything to be perfect.

He cuts the onions and meat meticulously while humming a happy tune. Maybe after this they will be okay, things would go back to the way it was before.

Kyungsoo’s smile is very wide that when someone walks pass him they might think that he’s a creep but Kyungsoo didn’t mind, as long as he’ll have his Jongin back.

He will be okay.

 

\---

 

Kyungsoo is in the verge of completely breaking.

He is staring at the clock for almost five hours. Five freaking hours and still there is no sign of Jongin.

“Please be here, you promised…” Kyungsoo keeps telling himself like a chant in hopes that it will bring his boyfriend to him.

‘Please…’

‘Be here…’

‘You promised…’

It was almost 2 am when the door swing open spitting a very tired looking Jongin. He didn’t expect to see his boyfriend curled up in a ball at the corner of the grandfather clock he got from his father. His knees are pressed to his chest and his face is buried in his crossed arms.

As if on cue, Kyungsoo slowly lifts his head but only his eyes can be seen. He eyed Jongin from head to toe.

He looks tired.

No flowers, no gifts.

He doesn’t look sorry.

Jongin saw the helplessness drawn clearly in the eyes of his boyfriend. His gaze is not like the ones he always offers him. They are not loving and gentle instead, his gaze is that of judgement, disgust and he looks very tired.

Tired.

“K-Kyungsoo I’m sorry I for—“

“You promised, remember?!” Kyungsoo couldn’t hold up any longer and blurted out his emotions.

“Something came up at work and it’s very important so I have to sta—“

“What about me then? Am I not important to you?” Kyungsoo is so fed up with his lame excuses and don’t want to be ignored anymore.

“Let’s just talk about this tomorrow Kyungsoo, I’m tir—“

“No Jongin! We will talk about this right now and don’t give me that fucking excuse of you being tired because I feel the same! I’m so fucking tired also!” Kyungsoo shrieks out and tears started to blur his vision.

“Then what now?!” Jongin spats. He is annoyed that his body is aching badly and he expected to have a rest at home only to be disturbed by his nagging boyfriend.

“What am I to you now, Jongin-ah…” the shift from loud shrieks to almost a whisper caught back Jongin’s attention.

“You’re my boyfriend.” He deadpans because clearly, he is not a dramatic buffoon and he wants to finish this argument once and for all.

“Then why are you so…distant? I woke up every morning just to see that you’re not there. I call you at work to check on you but I’m always answered by the voice mail. I miss you so much that it’s driving me crazy…” Kyungsoo manages to say in between his sobs.

“But don’t I come home to you? Don’t I sleep in the same bed as you? I’m right here Kyungsoo. I’m fucking right here!” Jongin is pissed. Why is his boyfriend being like this in ungodly hours?

“Yes, you come home to me but you are never really there. You sleep in the same bed as me but I don’t really feel you there… it’s cold Jongin… so cold…”

Jongin doesn’t know what to say. Seeing his boyfriend like this, so broken, so lost gives his heartstrings a hard tug causing for it to shake. Kyungsoo is always smiling, he is not like this, no, he was never like this.

“Jongin…”

The said boy turns to his boyfriend and was surprised to see the look of longing and hope clearly stated on his beautiful face.

“Please stay, even just for today… don’t leave…” he’s voice shakes as he begs.

“I-I can’t… tomorrow, no, later, the head of the company will be choosing the representative for the upcoming competition and you know how much I dreamed of this Kyungsoo… you know that dancing is my life, my passion…”

“Just for today... forget about dancing…”

“If I ask you to do the same on writing songs, what will you answer then?”

“Writing songs is my only escape from reality…”

“Tsk, you’re just saying that. Besides, writing is so different from dancing. I express my passion through every sway of my hips, every stroke of my limbs. It’s easy to let go of something that is actually pointle—“

“I write them for you.”

Jongin was snapped out of his speech when Kyungsoo manages to interject.

“What—”

“I write songs about you, my feelings for you and my love for you… and here you are saying that it’s pointless. Don’t you see? I write songs about my dreams too, what I yearn for, things that I’ve always wanted… Jongin, you are my music…”

“We are not making any sens—“

“Then choose.”

Jongin looked at his boyfriend with shock. The tone of finality is evident in his soft voice.

 “We don’t have to—“

“Choose Jongin! That dancing of yours or me?!” Kyungsoo cries out. His mind chanting his mantra hoping Jongin can pick them up:

‘Please choose me Jongin… Please pick me…’

After a moment of silence, Jongin finally replied.

“Dancing.”

Everything seems to lose its ability to produce sounds. The only thing Kyungsoo can hear was his heart shattered into pieces.

The only thing Jongin heard was a door shutting close.

Love is not always about happy endings…

 


	2. You are My Beat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel

Jongin was lost.

No…

Jongin was miserable!

After the argument, he finds himself back in the dance studio and plops himself on the cold wooden floor. Cold, just like him. He didn’t know what to do, he loves Kyungsoo, damn, Kyungsoo is the only one he wanted to be with but why? Why did he let him choose between his passion and him?

Why?!

He is very unfair…

He didn’t realize that he stayed like that long enough for the sun to fully rise and illuminate everything it touches. He was pulled out of his trance by a soft kick on his arm.

“Why are you here so early?” Yixing asked. He is Jongin’s co-worker his number one competitor when it comes to dancing skills, but they are friends nevertheless.

“Who cares?” Jongin deadpans.

“You look like shit.”

“I feel like shit.”

“Do you wanna elaborate on that?” Yixing slowly sat down beside Jongin and scanned the lying male with worried eyes.

“No…” Jongin whispered reply.

Yixing thinks that it’s not the right time to pull on jokes to his friend. The look on Jongin’s face is enough to indicate that: he looks LOST.

The judges and head choreographers sat next to each other behind a long table just placed below the stage. They watched the performances of aspiring dancers that wanted to be the representative of the company for the big competition. Of course, almost everyone already knows who would be likely chosen. Jongin is indeed the best dancer in the company but trying their luck won’t be that bad.

As expected, Jongin was amazing. The way he sways with the music, pop and lock and spin with the powerful hip thrusts and body wave all gracefully and effortlessly done. He receives a round of applause and a standing ovation but he doesn’t feel anything to be proud of.

 

\---

 

After the audition, Jongin was called by Mr. Lee, the head of SME Company for a short talk.

“You are a very talented dancer Kim Jongin.” Mr. Lee said. Jongin felt a small smile tug his lips.

“Thank you, Sir.”

“But your movements are empty.”

“Excuse me?” Jongin didn’t know what to say. First, Mr. Lee complimented him and now he says his movements are empty?

“What I’m trying to say is you are very skilled but your moves are just devoid of emotions…”

“Sir, all my life dancing is the thing that gives me peace and happiness. I put everything in the steps I create and perform, I’m pretty sure that my emotions are in it too. Jongin knows that talking back to his boss will cause him trouble but he can’t help it, damn! Dancing is his life!

“Jongin, you are still young and there are things out there that needed to be understood by the heart and not by the mind. Listen, you’re graceful but your feet are heavy. You dance to follow the music but from what I saw, there’s no beat in your dancing Jongin.” Mr. Lee says, eyes focus and unwavering.

“Sir I—“

“What I’m trying to say is, don’t let yourself control the music, let the music blend with you. Let the beat sway with you. Don’t waste opportunities Jongin, you are a prodigy, you are something…”

“I know that Sir, but I’m really sure that I’m grasping all the opportunities, like right now, I wanted to be the representative that is why I spend almost every day in the studio dancing to perfect mu routine. I put everything on it Sir, my heart, my body and my soul…” Jongin spoke in a soft voice. He is very sure of himself.

He knows HIMSELF.

“Then tell me, why are you dancing Jongin?”

Jongin thinks that it was the dumbest question that was asked to him. Of course he dances because it is his passion, his dream. He was about to say those exact words when an image of a smiling boy flashed on his mind.

Kyungsoo.

The boy who manages to break into his walls.

The boy who believes in his talent when he was just a nobody.

The boy who gives him soothing words when practice was harsh.

The boy who waits for him late every night at home with a warm smile on his lovely face.

The boy who hugs him to sleep and whispers sweet nothings to his ears.

The boy who never forgets to tell him that he loves him.

Then it hit him.

He didn’t dance because he wanted the world to praise him, he dances because Kyungsoo said that he is the best dancer for him.

He dances to make him proud.

He dances to make him smile.

He dances for him.

He was his beat.

Mr. Lee saw the sudden change in Jongin’s expression. He was about to say something when Jongin beat him to it.

“Mr. Lee, can I ask you something?”

Mr. Lee smiles and nods in reply.

 

\---

 

Kyungsoo was inside the bedroom the whole day. After their argument, he pads towards their shared bedroom and heard the main door open and close.

‘Dancing’

His eyes are already puffy and red for crying non-stop. He shouldn’t have outburst like that. He should have listened to Jongin. He should have let him rest. He was tired but he yelled at him.

He really did it this time.

He knew Jongin was going to choose dancing but it never stopped him from hoping that Jongin might choose him.

Might…

As he burry his face to his crossed arms, he heard the main door opened and footsteps move its way towards the bedroom. It was still early for Jongin to be home.

Maybe he left something and just came back to get it.

Don’t think he’s here to apologize. You are nothing to him now.

Kyungsoo hears the bedroom door open and close. The footsteps are slowly getting closer and someone sat next to him causing the bed to dip. Suddenly, he was enveloped into a warm hug.

Kyungsoo didn’t have to open his eyes to know who it was. The familiar arm and intoxicating scent is enough to tell him that it is Jongin.

“Don’t leave…” Jongin whispers into his ear. Kyungsoo wanted to hug him back and tell him that he will never does that but this is too good to be true. Jongin might just be saying it now but who knows he’ll change his mind later.

“Jongin… I’m tired…” Kyungsoo’s voice was hoarse from crying.

“I’m sorry about earlier… I was being a jerk, I was being stupid.”

“But you don’t love me anymore.” After Kyungsoo said those words, Jongin gently lifted his face and grasp his cheeks softly, his eyes are looking anywhere but Jongin.

“Hey, look at me. Why would you think of that?”

“You didn’t choose me…”

“I did.” This made Kyungsoo look at him.

“No you didn’t, you choose dancing.”

“Exactly.”

“Then why are you saying that you choose me? Jongin, I’m not in the mood for your jokes right now…”

“But can’t you see? Kyungsoo, when I choose dancing, I also choose you.”

“What the hell are you saying?” Kyungsoo is starting to glare at Jongin.

“I’m saying that you are the reason why I dance, just like I’m the reason why you write. You told me that I was your music and to me, you are my beat…”

Kyungsoo’s eyes are starting to blur again. He didn’t know what to feel at the moment. Jongin knows that if he wanted Kyungsoo to forgive him, then he have to open up to him, to tell him everything.

Everything.

“I’m sorry it took me this long to realize. Please don’t ever think of leaving me. I know that I’m not the best boyfriend you wanted to have but please give me a chance, this time, I’ll make everything right. I promise and I mean it.” Jongin want to say more but only a few words came out of his mouth but it seems like everything was already in them:

“I love you.”

Kyungsoo didn’t waste any time and wrap his arm around jongin’s neck. His Jongin is back! He felt like his heart is putting itself back together.

“I love you too… and I will never ever leave you…”

 

\---

 

Light kissed the windows which started illuminating the room. The body entangled with the sheets stirs followed by two doe eyes slowly opening.  Kyungsoo turns to his left see if his boyfriend is still there only to realize that for the first time in years,

He is not ALONE.

Jongin felt somebody was staring at him and sure enough when he opened his eyes, two lovely eyes are looking at him with surprise.

“J-Jongin?”

“Good Morning Baby!” Jongin pulled his startled boyfriend for a hug and the latter’s face was settled in the crook of his neck.

“Y-you’ll be late…” Kyungsoo said as he still can’t believe that Jongin was there.

“I don’t have to go to the studio today.” Jongin said while stroking his little boyfriend’s hair.

“Why is that?”

“You see, yesterday, I asked Mr. Lee if I could take a break for a while…” after hearing those, Kyungsoo’s eyes widened in shock.

“But what about the compete—“

“Yixing will be the representative.”

“Y-Yixing?”

“Yup! Yixing. I told them that he was a really good dancer and that they should give him a chance to show what he really is capable of.” Jongin answered. Kyungsoo still can’t believe what his boyfriend is saying.

“But isn’t that what you’ve been after?”

“You told me that I was the best dancer right? So I guess there will still be a lot of other opportunities out there for me but right now, I just wanted to spend time with you.” Jongin says and cupped his boyfriends chin and leaned for a kiss.

Kyungsoo happily kissed him back. It felt like forever since they last kissed like this. It was sweeter and gentler. It was good.

When they parted, Jongin continued to caress his lovely boyfriend’s cheeks that are flushed.

“Do you want coffee?” Kyungsoo asked. Jongin peck him on the lips and replied;

“Sure! And I want to use Pororo and Krong again, I kinda missed them, what do you say?”

Kyungsoo nods enthusiastically and the two of them rolled out of bed giggling with intertwined fingers and strode towards the kitchen.

And Kyungsoo thinks it was not good…

It’s PERFECT.

 

-END-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ:
> 
> I don't own anything here but the PLOT.
> 
> Any SYMBOLISM to other stories or character is unintentional.

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ:
> 
> I don't own anything here but the PLOT.
> 
> Any SYMBOLISM to other stories or character is unintentional.


End file.
